Went flying today. Everything looks so small from up above. The suit is kind of tight. I might have to get mom to adjust the thing. Lex thinks it's perfect.
I have to run. Got a story to pursue.
I did fly with him.
After we went for a drive in my new truck, I scooped Lex up in my arms and just as Mom came out to talk to us, I took off into the sky with him. He didn't even look scared or surprised. He just held on tight, and stared into my eyes like he was looking into my very soul. I was careful to make sure we didn't go too high and I stopped in midair. I wanted to show off because I've been practicing and I can control my flight and my landings now.
With our bodies pressed close together, I kissed him up there in the clouds, and told him that I love him. It got kind of mushy and embarrassing, and I'm not sure if the wetness in his eyes were tears from joy or from being up high. I was afraid that we'd stayed too long, but when I started to float down, Lex told me to stop. He kissed me hard and when I told him that I love him he said 'ditto'. The look of amazement on his face was worth it.
Lex told me that I am amazing, but I think he's the one who is amazing. He loves me even though I'm not human. He loves me despite the fact that I could crush him with a flick of my wrist. He gives me so much more than just love. He gives me his trust, and that means everything to me. I've never been so aware of just how lucky I am as when I am with him. To Lex, I'm not a thing, I'm human.
It was probably the most perfect weekend from start to finish. Lex makes me beyond happy. I can't even express in words how he makes me feel. I want to fly when I'm in his presence. He makes me so happy.
Just before he showed up at the farm with his gifts, my friends also stopped by on Friday to wish me a happy birthday. Chloe and Lois got me the strangest gift. They got me an application for the summer internship at the Daily Planet. I've already filled it out and I dropped it off this morning. I spoke to Perry and he said he was pleased to see me throw my hat in the ring. My parents got me new work boots, which I needed and asked for, and some new flannel shirts. Mom even chose one with some purple. Then they saw Lex's gift, and I could tell from the expression on Dad's face that he was not impressed, but he has no say in the matter.
Lex went all out. His gift turned out to be a red Dodge Ram truck. I named her Betty. I took Lex for a drive right away. It handles like a dream and comes with satellite radio, an mp3 player and so much more. The best part is that it's big and it goes fast, and I love that Lex drove it to me himself. When he drove up behind the wheel of that truck, I almost had a heart attack I was so excited. Not only did he get me Betty, but I was the driver for the whole weekend. I even got to pick the car. I chose the Silver Lamborghini, because it's spacious enough for my long legs and Lex looks awesome in the passenger seat beside me.
That wasn't even the best part of my weekend. On Saturday, Lex took me out for an amazing dinner in the city for the evening, and then we went to this exclusive club. I let him choose what I would wear and he chose tight black pants with a short sleeved dress shirt. It was very comfortable. We ran into Oliver while there. I hadn't seen him in a while. When I told him that it was my birthday celebration, he bought me a drink (it was a coke), and we toasted to my manhood.
Lex was so sexy and hot and we were in this place where we didn't have to hide how we feel about each other. Lex said the club was very particular about whole they let in. We could hold hands and touch and kiss in public and the feeling of that freedom was exhilarating. I felt possessive and proud to be with him. We were inseparable all night. I still blush when I think about what we did right in the club with all those people around. I couldn't help myself. Anyone could have easily seen us. I didn't care. I wanted him and Lex told me he wanted me to take him right there. We moved to a dark corner of the room and I fucked him up against the wall. He seduced me with his hands and his words and his mouth. When it was over, Lex turned and kissed me and I told him that only he could make me do things I'd never dream of doing.
After the sex, I felt a whole new level of confidence that I didn't think I could ever feel around anybody else. We stood just on the edge of the dance floor and watched as bodies writhed. I wanted to be out there with them, but nothing could have been as good as Lex's hot body, leaning against me my chest to his back with my arms wrapped around him. I've never felt so content and happy. I quivered all over from his nearness. I was anxious to be alone with him, so we went to a private room and had sex again, this time alone. I checked to make sure there were no hidden cameras or recording devices of any kind. The door wasn't locked because Lex wanted it that way. I swear he could talk me into almost anything.
I wish I could express in writing every emotional moment, but I'm inadequate to the task. Lex takes all my words away and in his presence, I am made speechless.
That's not totally true, but it was nice to say it. My mom made all my favorites for me this morning for breakfast, and I ate it all. It was delicious. Then I went out and finished my chores in record time. Of course that was before my dad had a chance to tell me that I was exempt from chores for the day. Oops.
On the weekend Lex came over for Mother's Day brunch. I couldn't let Chloe and Lois go it alone, so I invited them over as well on the condition that Lois would behave. Of course, she didn't behave at first, but once I pinched her under the table, she was more than happy to play nice. I knew there was a reason I sat beside her. Everything went well after that, and Lex seemed to have a good time. I should have told him before we got to the farm about Chloe and Lois, but I forgot. I had so much on my mind. He seemed uncomfortable at first, but I knew he’d forgive me when I explained. Once my friends left, Lex and I went to the mansion to hang out. We had some strawberries and whipped cream that I had made sure to stock. It was fun.
Lex is coming by later today. He asked me what I want for my birthday this year and I told him I already have everything I want. He pushed for a better answer, and I said lots of sex with him. When he insisted I make a choice, I told him to surprise me. I thought lots of sex with him was a good enough choice, because it's all I really want. I hope he didn’t get me something big like an island or a private jet. An island would be kind of cool. I totally joked to dad this morning that if Lex got me my own jet, I'd take my parents anywhere in the world. The look on his face was worth it. Of course, I don't really need a jet. This isn’t a hint to say that I want a jet, Lex.
Twenty years old. Wow! I feel almost like an adult.
I went to the city to see Lex. When I arrived at his office, he wasn't there, but Lionel was. He stood in the shadows at first, and I almost freaked when I realized that it was him and not Lex. For just a second, I felt fear, but it was gone just as fast. I stood my ground and said nothing. I just stared at him, my eyes following him as he walked across the room. I could see the fear in his eyes. He tried to hide it, but it was there, distinct and unmistakable.
He stumbled over his words and tried to apologize. I wanted to laugh. I wanted to tell him to go to hell. I took a few steps in his direction, and he was shaking. I've never seen him afraid and I have to admit, it was exhilarating.
I backed him up against Lex's desk, and told Lionel that he should remember who and what I am. His fear filled the room. I have to admit that I enjoyed every second of that moment. I looked into his eyes, and realized that he's just an old man who has no power over me. He said that Lex has no idea what he's gotten himself into. He's actually afraid for Lex. That was kind of a surprise. He knows how I feel about his son. He knows what I would do for him. I told him this much, but he didn't say a word.
I could have crushed him with a flick of my wrist. I could have shown him just how much strength lies beneath my skin. For just a second, I thought that I might, but I backed away, and Lex was there, standing behind me. We left together, and I spared Lionel one last glance. It took everything I had not to burn him with my eyes. I knew that I could do it so easily, but I know that I never would.
I didn't tell Lex any of this. I told him I was fine and that I was so happy to see him. In the elevator, Lex reached out and touched my hand. It calmed me almost instantly.
Lionel has nothing to worry about. I would never hurt Lex and I will make sure that he never does either. I wonder just how much Lionel knows about me. Does he know I can fly? Does he know how strong I am? Does he know there's nowhere in this world that he can hide where I can't find him? I hope so, because if I have to use intimidation to keep him in check, I'll do it. Like I told Lionel, I'd do anything for Lex.
[locked from Lex]
I'm at the farm with my parents. It was like coming home after being away for years. I felt at once a stranger but not. It's hard to describe what I'm feeling. These days I feel almost detached from my own emotions.
I need to keep as busy as possible. There is no end to what needs doing here, and right now, I like that. The first thing I'm going to fixed is the loft. It was still a mess from what had happened. The old wood needs to be burned and new wood put in its place.
I feel more myself now than I have in a while. It's not that being in the city with Lex wasn't working, because it's where I want to be. I know where I belong. I need him and he needs me. When I'm alone, Lex is always on my mind. I know I can count on him. I know he'll always be there to protect me, and be what I need when I need it.
I told Lex late one night after we'd had amazing sex that I miss my home. I knew the worlds had stung and wished I could have taken them back the moment I spoke them out loud, but it was too late. I couldn't change it. Lex showed no sign that they had hurt, but I know him. When he dropped me off at the farm this morning, I held him and kissed him and told him I'd see him soon. He stayed long enough to speak to my mom and dad. He said he wants to give me time to recover. I wanted to tell him that I already have recovered because of him, but I knew no words would change his mind. I know he's just a phone call away. He's in the city. I could have said something and asked him to stay at the mansion so we'd be closer, but I didn't want to make demands. Besides, I'm a grown man now. I can take a few days away from my husband.
My parents visited this weekend. It was nice to see them. I've been too busy lately to spare time for a visit to the farm. Lex and I met them for breakfast at our favorite diner, but Lex got a work call and had to leave early. Dad said he sold some of our land. They said it was sitting there going to waste. I'm glad. It's too much work now that I'm not home as much. I told them I don't plan on moving back any time soon. I'm living in the city with Lex. It's a change, but it's a welcome one for me at this time in my life. I need to spread my wings and fly. They weren't happy at first, but Mom understood. I have to be where my heart is, and right now that's with Lex.
I had my first real newspaper article printed. It felt like it happened so fast. Perry said that's how it works. When there's a story to be told, you have to jump on it right away or get left in the dust. I don't technically work at the Planet, but I was helping Chloe. A few months ago, this building that was set to be made a historical landmark had burned to the ground. Chloe was sure there was something suspicious about it. We found out that the fire was deliberate. Perry, Chloe's editor, liked what we wrote and he added my name to the byline. It was cool to see my name beside Chloe's. Not that it was the front page or anything, but still kind of neat. Lois was intensely jealous. Especially when Perry told her that she should be more like her cousin.
Other than all that, I've been mostly keeping busy with research, registration for the fall semester, and Lex. There are things in my life that I've been avoiding and things that I know need to be addressed. Right now, I'm taking life one day at a time.
How am I supposed to ever trust anybody ever again?
This past week, I've buried myself in distractions because all that I've learned over the course of the month has been so overwhelming. I want to run and hide in my fortress of solitude, but I can't hide. I can't run. I have to face my fears.
I woke up this morning to find Lex holding me in his arms. He said I'd cried out again in my sleep. He said I called his name. We stayed that way for a while even though I knew Lex needed to get to work. I didn't want to let go. He even said he'd stay with me all day if I needed him. I looked up into his eyes at that moment and saw so much sorrow. I wanted to make it better. We kissed and we obviously had the same thing on our minds, because one thing led to another. It was a perfect moment where I completely forgot everything. I lost myself in Lex's body. His kisses and his touch were so perfect.
We made love. It was passion filled, and all I wanted was to make Lex feel good. There were no words, just action. Our bodies entwined and as I lay beneath him, our eyes locked. I wanted to turn away because I could feel the tears building, but Lex brushed them away and whispered words of encouragement in my ear as he brought me to orgasm. It's hard to express exactly what I was feeling. Maybe safe is the best word to use.
After it was over, I thanked Lex, which was kind of weird, but at the time it felt like the right thing to say. We cleaned up and he stayed with me a while longer. We didn't say much. I told him that I planned to go to the Planet to help Chloe with a story she'd been working on. I didn't want to talk about why I'd gotten so emotional. It was embarrassing and kind of humiliating, but not because of anything Lex said or did.
I meant to write about how I was betrayed so badly by people who I thought I could trust, but this is what came out instead. Even now, I can't help but smile when I think of what Lex and I did this morning. It had been so long since we were that intimate. I really missed him. I definitely missed his body against mine. It's obvious that I'm really not ready to deal with the implications of what I've discovered. How could I have been so wrong about Virgil Swann? I trusted him and he betrayed me so completely.
I better get going. Chloe's called three times already.
They came for me late one night. I was alone and I should have heard them coming, but they outnumbered me and they had weapons made to take me down. There was excruciating pain and then I was on my knees. He was over me, calling me "it", calling me a thing to be treated no better than a mongrel.
I don't want to talk to anybody about what happen those weeks I was in that cage, so he suggested I write it down. At first, I couldn't believe what was happening. The pain was so excruciating that I welcomed unconsciousness. When I woke, I was in a cage, covered in my own blood still in pain. I was alone in a dark room and I couldn't see beyond the bars.
Then I found out who had taken me from my home, a home I once thought of as safe. It was Lionel. He wasn't there right away. I don't know how many days passed before he revealed himself to me. He wasn't alone. One of the men that had taken me was right at his side, sneering at me. Lionel told me that I should get used to my new home. He said that he was going to make me disappear forever and that I was his now. He told me that Lex would never have me again. He said a lot of things that I never want to repeat again. He said he's known about me for a long time. I was sick to my stomach. All this time he'd known the truth about me and Lex and I had no idea. He told me he'd been watching me from afar. If I could have thrown up, I would have.
He wasn't always there. Lionel left me at the mercy of that man, and that man hated me. He's dead now and I don't even care. In my deepest heart, I hate myself for thinking he got what he deserved. I was tortured by him and called a thing. I was held captive. When I pleaded to be let free, he mocked me and told me that I didn't deserve to breathe the same air as humans. I was in more pain than I have ever felt in my life, and all I kept thinking was that Lex would find me and when he did, he'd make them all pay. I wanted him to make them pay. I wanted him to march in with guns blazing and save me from the hurt.
It's over now and I want to forget, but my memory is too perfect. I see it every time I close my eyes. The bars, the cage and I hear those words of hate. I woke up in a sweat this morning. I think I might have cried out. I cling to Lex. I know with him I'm safe. He'll make sure I'm safe.
It's been a while since I wrote here. I've been so busy these past few weeks. Lex is still away on business. I haven't talked to him in over a week. Every time I try to get in touch with him, he's in a meeting or I just missed him, according to his assistant, Molly. I'm starting to think she's doing it on purpose. She has this tone when she talks to me like I'm an insect she wishes she could squash. She really doesn't like me. I did manage to text message Lex, and he did respond with a short note saying he missed me. That was over a week ago. He was supposed to be back by now. I miss him.
I've been keeping busy while he's been gone. Lois and Chloe got an apartment in the city together and I helped them move. They're now living the big city life with all the wonderful big city crime that goes with it. Lois was mugged just a few days after they moved. She's okay, though she insists she kicked the thief where it counts.
My parents have sold off some of the farmland way in the back fields. Mom finally convinced dad that maybe it's time for a change in lifestyle. There's still about a zillion acres to tend, but at least it's only half what it used to be. Dad still walks around grumbling about it under his breath. He thinks I can't hear him, but I do. He may pretend he's unhappy about the choice, but I know that deep down, he's content. Mom has done so well with the Talon, and her baking business is a financial success. I just like to see my parents happy, and able to enjoy life more now that they're not working themselves to hard, and constantly having to worry about every dime they spend. I have to admit, it's been a good few weeks. I like the cold air, and at night, I sit in the loft and stargaze, hoping that Lex is staring up at the same stars. He probably isn't. He's probably staring at business books or company agenda sheets or something like that, but I can still imagine.
I feel like I'm on top of the world these days. It's so funny, because even now when things are going so well, I still expect something to go wrong. I keep waking up expecting to find out that my life hasn't turned out just like I wanted, but it has.
It's just so perfect and once Lex comes home, it will be even more perfect.